My Covid Confession

At the beginning of Covid times, I started having bad dreams every night. It was as if my brain had run out of regular material to fill out the usual dream reel.

Instead of scenes about that day's activities, the people I'd run into, the places I'd been, and the profiles I'd stalked, what played back were looping lowlights spurred on by my WFH tunnel vision.

Dreams about failed relationships, situations where I'd been wronged, and the times where I hurt others were on repeat each night.

Some days I still felt rattled by noon, replaying the vivid scenes behind my eyes.

But, suddenly I had the urge to write. I'd write each morning immediately after waking. My entries varied from murderous to nostalgic. "I remember looking at his face on the floor, head pushed into the corner where the wall meets the floor, with my fingers wrapped around his neck" and "the room felt like a childhood classroom with an oval rug comprised of one long loop of braided colors". What was dreamt about was written about.

This period of dark dreams is something I will never forget. I have to say that it felt like a cleansing by fire in the time of Covid-19. Even now I can't understand why it all happened but I know I feel lighter.

And now when I see the blank Zoom stare through the meeting screen, I wonder if the boxed person is just reading an article on their second screen or whether their tracking eyes give away their own dark replays.

More confessions over at The Keeper of Things on Instagram!